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Hi guys

Just about to release this on my channel and was wondering could I get any feedback on it. Be as harsh as you want as it will only make me better in the future. Was looking for feedback on everything, stop start, execution, humor, script ect

Thanks for any help

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23Zf0n5uWa4

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"This video is private"

My bad :) changed now (I think) let me know if you still cant  

Pretty entertaining, as was the last one. The only crit I would make is it got a little hard to understand what was being said for a while - just before the candy appeared over the desk. My only other crit would be - moar animation!! 

Yeah I speedup the script there bec there was a lot off dead air, I might actually edit it a bit to make it more understandable  if I get the chance. Thanks for the help  

My appreciation was severely limited by the fact that I had never heard of George Murphy!  I googled him, and have never seen any of the films he appeared in.  I presume he is in this because of his political career as a Republican senator from California.     Without understanding what this is about, or getting any of the jokes on account of how I am an ignorant foreigner, the script appeared quite tight and well delivered.

That's exactly the feedback I was looking for nick. Iv notice ill read up about a subject then have a load of private inside jokes that don't resonate with anyone or or go off on tangents and cant see the woods from the trees .

The video actually meant to be about the candy desks, Future video ill try and stay on point Thanks

I've lived here all my life and never heard of him either, but it didn't phase me. For just a second I was like "Who??!!", but then immediately it told his story and I understood that was the point. Sort of a "Greatest hero you've never heard of until now" tale. That's actually a good storytelling technique, to make the viewers or readers ask a question near the beginning that's answered by the end. That way they get personally invested in the telling of it. Of course in such a short format you couldn't make the unravelling of the question very dramatic or tie together multiple threads in doing it, but the important thing is you effectively get the viewers to ask the question and then you answer it. 

Yeah that the feel I was going for Strider but wasn't sure if it was coming across that way, 50/50 strike rate I guess 

Thanks again for the help guys maybe ill just change the heading to something like "the greatest American hero you never heard off" Thanks again

Pretty cool! I enjoyed it a lot!

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